100

Trying to write a preview for this post in nearly impossible. Today's the 100th post of My Mess, and I'm emotional. What else is there to say?

I guess there is a lot to say actually. I wrote about this before: that I have been dreading this day for a while because it wasn't going to be exactly what I wanted. But honestly, now that we're here, this feels like nothing short of victory. Despite everything that has happened in the past year and a half, I kept going, and I made it into this... whatever this is.

I mean, it's a mess, and that is 100% the point. I've written about deeply personal things and completely nonsensical things. I wrote about life and about my nerdy passions. I wrote about mental health and self care and whatever was on my mind, which wasn't always relevant or great. I just wrote. I wrote because I wanted to and also because a lot of times I needed to. There are plenty of things I could say- about how I feel accomplished for overcoming lies I believed about myself. Or because people actually read what I had to write. Or because it gave me a sense of meaning and purpose when I felt I had none. I could make the whole article about those things, heck I have in the past...and all of those things would be true, but none of those things are what I am actually feeling in regards to today. Today, I am just thankful that I wrote.

It genuinely is as simple as that. I don't even care if it was good or not. I'm not going to sit here and question today, as to if it made a difference to anyone or not. I'm not worried about the laundry list of things I am constantly worried about regarding this blog. Today, I am really, truly, just so thankful that I wrote anything at all. Because I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to get here. There were so many times I almost quit. There were so many times I lost focus of what I was doing and almost jumped ship. But I didn't. 'Almost' only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades', and this blog is neither of those things, though sometimes it does feel like the latter. I kept writing for a lot of reasons- sometimes out of desperation, sometimes out of obsessive necessity, sometimes under the delusion that I was helping people, and who knows, maybe I was. I don't know how this blog has effected others, all I do know is how it has effected me, and in the wise words of Wicked, "I have been changed for good." By continuing a gave myself my passion and ability to dream back.

So, what's next? I still have so many projects that I want to bring to life here. I've thought about it, A LOT, and I've decided to keep going. In fact, today is the start of something new for us here on My Mess. It has probably already happened by the time you're reading this, but in honor of our 100th post, today we do/did our first live stream. I'm actually a pretty equal mixture of nervous and excited. I hope you got to see it, if not never fear, we will be posting it for those who missed it. We plan on doing live streams pretty regularly from here on out and hope that it will lead into a nice transition for some of the projects we've been working on behind the scenes.

I do wish I had more to give you all today. This blog means a lot to me and the people who take time to read it make it that much more special. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my personal mess with all of you. And thank you to me for having the courage (or gall, depending your perspective, I guess) to share it at all. Let's keep going- because life is messy, so let's make something out of it.

Thank you. Happy 100.