Family [Blank] Time

Each family is unique and with that, how they spend their time together is equally unique. So, what does your family time look like?

Not sure what I'm talking about just yet? Well, let's take a look at my family time and see if we can start you on some healthy new traditions. The goal being to fill in the [blank] with something for you and your family to enjoy together. Because I have found that healthy bonding usually starts with intentional actions and intentional time set aside for the family.

I am by no means an expert on healthy families. In fact, I wouldn't even label my own family as such. But that doesn't mean that is how the situation will or should stay. Intentionality is the key here remember? We should all strive to grow and become better. Both as individuals and in all of our relationships. That growth might look different for each role you play in different relationships, such as spouse, parent, child, friend, co-worker and so on. But as long as growth is occurring, know you're on the right track. But the point of today's talk isn't to talk about personal growth, though that is important too, but to discuss some options for strengthening family bonds.

My husband and I like to grocery shop together. No, this is not off topic, bare with me. We picked up this habit from my in-laws. If you don't know my husband and I are high school sweet hearts and in the earlier stages of our relationship, we noticed something my husbands parents would do. They would go shopping together. Now that might not sound odd to you but it was very strange to me. More than that, they would take their time with their task. Always spending more than an hour gone, running errands that we felt should probably only take 30 minutes tops. Luckily, James' siblings were all well behaved and we never minded having the kids but we always wondered: "What are they doing?"

They were being intentional. We didn't understand until we got married, even more so when we found ourselves caring more for my younger sister. Sometimes as a married couple, especially with kids in the house, or even roommates for those who don't have kids, you find yourself with what feels like less time than 24 hours in the day and definitely less personal space. Grocery shopping is something that has to get done but makes a wonderful date as well. James and I often find ourselves walking through the entire store, almost every aisle, even if we only need a couple of things. We just walk and talk and enjoy each others company.

I admit, I have never asked my in-laws if that is what they were doing that whole time, but something tells me I'm right. You see intentional family time doesn't have to be grand or expensive, just intentional. James or I will drive out of our way to meet the other at a store if the other one plans to stop and had a bad day. I know a couple where the husband will come home from work, drop off his car, pick up his wife's car, and take it to the gas station to fill up her tank. He has done this for 20 plus years. Now that isn't family time but it is an intentional act to show he cares. Just a little act with such a huge impact. And that is what we should be looking to accomplish.

Recently, I have tried new approaches when it comes to family time with my parents as well. My parents are separated and live in different states. With my mother, I have started family anime time. Yes, that's right, I successfully gotten her to watch two anime's now. For the nerds reading, she prefers shojo. So, whenever she comes home, even if its a little later than I like on a week night, I try to watch a couple episodes with her and have discussions on the episodes, because she has a lot of questions. This has been good because it is something that James, Chase, and I all love, shared with someone else we love. It creates a new bond and it is something peaceful, easy, and once again not expensive, to do. But my mother can be figdety sometimes, whereas I am very still. Since she compromised with me and watched anime, I try to also compromise with her and I play cards and games with her. Granted this is not as much of a compromise because I do love games but on week days I am often exhausted and have to really build up to that. I've noticed though that our best talks are usually over cards and that makes it worth it to me. You see, all these little things, they become more precious.

With my dad, I take a different approach. My dad and I like to go on walks. Where he lives, everyone drives golf carts around. We usually have James take my sister and her friends around the block or down to the lake and we walk instead. I have found this, like with cards with my mother, are when we have our best talks. It's been cold though, so in the winter we bond more over food. We pick out new recipes we want to try or just some family favorites. Now, James does most of the cooking, I have to give him that credit. But my dad and I do try to help and the results are always fun even when it doesn't work out. We enjoy it and that's the whole point.

Simple things: family movie night, family game night, family dinner. As long as you are intentional, and as long as you have a desire to better the relationships in your life, you will see improvement. If you come from a family that is a little more rocky, know that it will be difficult but it will be worth it. I say that more to myself than to anyone, because there as still times almost daily that I struggle with the idea of repairing some of the more broken relationships in my life. But I also recognize that I am more blessed than most having an amazing partner by my side to help encourage me on that path. So, I can't complain too much. That is besides the point though. Remember, as human beings we are all unique. There is only one you. And if that is true with everyone else as well, which it is, than all your relationships are unique too. Family anime night might not work for you, but something will. Keep trying. Be intentional. Remember we can make something out of our mess.

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Thank you so much for joining me this Sunday for a talk on family time. This is actually the topic I had planned on talking about Super Bowl Sunday but as we all know, I did not plan my traveling time well for that! I am glad to have it up now and hope you all enjoyed it. I also hope you have a wonderful start to your week and I will see you all back on Wednesday for some Nerdom here on My Mess. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday and stay messy friends!