Reflections Since 50: Where I've Been, Where I'm At, & Where I'm Going

A lot has happened since the 50th post milestone, and I've been reflecting on all of it. Today I want to share my thoughts, and direct our eyes to the path ahead.

I've been greatly blessed during most of the hardships that 2020 had thrown at us. Quarantine gave me the mental health break I desperately needed. I was working in healthcare when quarantine began, so my job was secure. More than that, I got a new job that I was equally as desperate for. The blog was doing well as we were approaching post 50. For once, my personal mess wasn't feeling very messy, but I watched the rest of the world crumble. I felt incredibly guilty to be doing so well while many struggled, but I also felt that many of my prayers were being answered after some of the hardest years of my life. I was very thankful and felt humbled.

The weekend of our 50th post was a huge deal in our house we had a painting party to make my themed shirt, did a photoshoot that took up majority of the day, and even cooked a nice dinner to celebrate. Leading up to that weekend, many helped me prepare for the post and help streamline the blog entirely. Making it to 50 posts really solidified that I wanted to continue My Mess, and I wanted to do it in a serious way. I formed a team and we started discussing the future of the blog, and what else I wanted to do with it. We built an office in our basement, and I made accounts and spread sheets for the blog and my team. Things started looking up and I was excited for what was to come, but 2020 had other "plans".

When the BLM protests started, I knew all of our exciting plans had to wait. What would nerdy content and personal life posts really do to support the black community? My Mess moved to the back burner as I filled my time with protesting. Eventually I realized we could use it as a platform to help the movement. There was something freeing and invigorating about having guest writers, and getting to collaborate and work with others for the first time in that capacity. Views skyrocketed and more comments than usual came in, which I was grateful for.

In the midst of all of this, James and I bought our first house! We prayed and dreamed for a house for so long. We were over the moon…

with anxiety. We were definitely excited, but I found myself overwhelmed with the transition and the timing. For our personal and professional lives, the timing couldn't be better. I genuinely feel this was God's timing working out beautifully, but you can't have it all. The timing worked out for everything except My Mess. Moving is already hard, but is much harder in the middle of a pandemic and a human rights movement. I grew more anxious as I realized how much longer I needed the blog to rest on the back burner. That anxiety escalated as all this change whirled around me and I was afraid of losing things. Things like my belongings, but also all of my dreams for the blog and everything I had just planned for it.

This is why I had to pause today to let you know that I'm still here. I still have more to give. When I started this blog, it was purely selfish. I was desperate for change that I could control, to write, and to make time for things I love amidst the mundane-ness of life. I honestly didn't expect anyone to read it, and when people did, I wasn't to sure what to do. So I just kept going without much direction. I found more of myself in the journey leading to 50 posts than I could've ever imagined, and I love what I've found. Things are beginning to feel murky again, a bit like they did when I started, but also somehow different. I think that's because, and I'm sure we can all agree, 2020 has pushed everyone into uncharted territory. However, I am confident that the journey through the next 50 posts will be just as transformative.

You might be wondering what's next, and I don't have the answer yet. I will say that my team seems a bit antsy for direction as well, and frankly so am I. I need more time to settle into my new home so I can intentionally work on the blog and give it the attention it deserves. I can't write Wednesday Nerdom articles until I have time to read and watch the content I'd like to cover, and my team can't move forward with our big projects until the office is back up and running.

I want to thank you for your patience during this transitional time. I also want to thank everyone who has continued supporting us even in these challenging and unique times. I am humbled to still see readers every week. I'm still here and I'm still very passionate about this blog and it's future. There are many amazing things to come, and I can't wait to share them all with you.

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Thank you for joining me today for this bit of reflection. I think about this blog daily and how much I love working on it and creating something. I know things are hard, but I encourage you to approach this week with a clear mindset. Make time for the things you love, and pursue something without expecting it to produce something. You might be surprised with the outcome.

We will be back this Wednesday with some much needed Nerdom. I hope you'll join us! Until then, stay safe and stay messy, my friends.