The Mess Of Passions

It's possible to love something so much you make a mess of it. What we need to remember is that mess can be a medium used in the creation of something better.

I love writing. I always have since I was young, and I wasn't picky about it, either. I would write short stories, poetry, songs, scripts, extra credit book reports (because I loved reading, too), and even little persuasive essays for my parents regarding things I wanted like pets. Later in high school, I also wrote for our newspaper. In college, despite my major, I went out of my way to take creative writing classes just for enjoyment. I've always loved writing...but I often make a mess of it as a hobby.

Recently I was speaking to a friend who was describing her significant other and how he dedicated time to his hobbies and passions. In his case specifically, it was graphic novels and video games. The topic came up upon discussing how hard it is to maintain your passions as an adult. This is a topic I often feel heated about, after witnessing too many talents and hobbies go to die when people get caught up in the mundane of life. It was one of the many reasons that led me to starting My Mess in the first place. What struck me about my friends explanation was how intentional her significant other was with his hobbies. Knowing him myself and what he does for a living, I wouldn't have imagined that he prioritized his passions to such a well-rounded degree. I asked her why/how he does it and her answer was more or less "because he loves it and that makes it worth the time spent on it".

Adulting is hard, no one is going to deny that, but it is more or less the same cycle over and over again- The hardest part being managing what your time goes to. Most of mine has always gone to my work, no matter what job I was at, and it often made me resentful. It also made me tired...too tired to even think about the things that made me feel passionate. There have been moments where I have overcome that for a time, like starting this blog, giving me the opportunity to write again. But in the grand scheme of things, that's really only a small win. I'm not giving my all, I'm not even giving 50%, and what about my other hobbies? All the half-started projects stacked in the corner? We all have them- passions turned to messy, caught in the destruction of life. Saying it like that makes it sound so bleak...but I don't think it has to stay that way. Listen, I have a bad case of perfectionism that I semi-successfully ignore when working on this blog (mainly because if I didn't, this blog wouldn't exist either). I try my best to ignore it here but I think I need to chuck it all together, because if I can make time for the things that drain me, I can make time for the things that fill me, as well.

This morning I woke up early. I woke up early and sat in the ever deepening sink hole I call my mind, getting lost in the stress and worries of things that have yet to come...the things that have yet to earn so much of my time that I was endlessly wasting. I can't always shake it, but I found myself able to today. I snuck out of bed, careful not to wake a sleeping James, and crept to our library. I grabbed a manga off the shelf that I have been meaning to read for well over a year and snuck back to bed. I curled up with James and read all morning. James woke up to find me grinning like an idiot, explaining that this was one of the best mornings I've had in a while. Now, I should probably clarify that this was probably a terrifying thing for him to wake up to, because James fears when I go on reading binges, claiming he is "losing his wife" for an undisclosed amount of time before the binge ends. But after some teasing and watching me for a while, he eventually got up and left...when he came back he had a book in his hand as well. People may not know, but James is just as much of a nerd as me, but he also suffers from the trap that is the mundaneness of adulting.

I said a little while ago that starting this blog was only a small win in the long run. Waking up and reading manga this morning was probably smaller than even that. But I am going to take every single win I can get. I'm going to take them and try to transform them into healthier habits, because loving something does indeed make it worth your time, much more than most everything else. My passions may be messy at times in their delivery but they're my passions all the same. Just as yours are yours. So? Pick up a book/manga/comic, go play a video game, draw, crochet, bake, work out- go do whatever it is that reignites that passion inside your heart, because the things we love are worth our time and you might feel more filled when you're done then when you arrived. Let's create something beautiful with our mess.

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Thank you for joining me for this homey little installment of The Mess. I am so glad you decided to join us. We are all on an adventure, with friends to be made along the way, after all! I hope that you have a wonderful week. Start it strong by doing something you enjoy today! I'll be back Wednesday with some Nerdom but until then- stay safe, stay passionate, and stay messy friends.