We Should Talk About It

In the mess of life, what is it that is our biggest struggle? The more people I talk to, the more one answer keeps coming back to me.

For those of you that don't know me, or maybe don't know me well, let me inform you that my health is very poor. For those of you that do know me, let me clarify that I mean that in ever sense of the phrase. My health physically, mentally, and sometimes even spiritually, is very poor.

Growing up I was always sick. I had so many problems the doctors simply said could not be possible so they would write me off. It was unfortunate to say the least, frustrating to say more, and borderline unbearable to put it in perspective. Doctors simply would not take my case seriously. Finally, the summer before I left for my freshman year of college, a nurse happened to see some of my symptoms and actually make something of them. She was one of the first adults to say it: this girl needs some testing. That year, I was accepted into the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to undergo some testing that would - hopefully - finally, lead to answers. Spoiler alert: I wasn't treated very well there, either. But I did get two of my first diagnoses there: Raynaud's Disease and Lupus.

Years later I would go on to be diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, Hashimoto's Disease, and PCOS. This year I would continue on to find that my heart wasn't a happy camper either, and was needing some attention. My stomach then got jealous and demanded to be paid attention to as well. And so the story goes. NOW, none of these things could have been prevented, so to speak, even if the doctors I went to early on had listened. But my suffering could have definitely been lessened. 'This all seems uncomfortable and off point again, Allison.' Do you not trust me yet, dear reader? I am getting there! You really must learn to stop interrupting, its not becoming of you. 'What does this all mean? You need to eat more apples?!' No. Well, you should do that, but no.

I knew that my body was not doing well. I knew there was something wrong. I had dozens, and I mean dozens, of doctors tell me there was nothing wrong with me. And this, my friends, is where we find our point today: I knew that my health was poor, and I had to face each ugly symptom, fight it, and deliver it, myself, into the hands of others that I hoped would help me. Some people didn't help me but hurt me instead. Some people didn't hurt me but didn't help me either. But I kept doing it until I found someone that could help, someone who would help. And the same can be said for my mental and spiritual health as well.

And this is what we need to talk about. How is your health? When was the last time you prioritized YOU? What has your body been telling you lately that maybe you've been ignoring or down playing? As if your body is comparable to the check engine light on your car, that you just don't have time to get to yet. And you haven't been able to get to it for months- Years, maybe for some of you. The struggle that I think we all experience in this messy world is our self care. And the fact is, that is the most fatal disease we can have. Because no one is going to make time for your self care if you don't make time for your self care. No one is going to set, build, protect and honor your boundaries if you are not going to do that for yourself.

I am not a believer in the mind set of "you can't love or be loved by others if you don't love yourself". In fact, I vehemently reject that. But I am a believer in that you need to keep yourself moving, at the very least. A talk we can get more into on another day, but here is what you need to know: if you ever think you can't keep going, just make the goal one more step. And then one more, and then one more and so on. Again, I will expand on this topic more later, but why I bring it up is because you cannot keep moving if all your bones are broken; if your motor is burnt out; if the tires are flat; if your feet are bloody; if your mode of transportation is broken. But know that no break is beyond repair. You just need to take some time. Make some repairs, you don't need to get everything at once, but start. Go to the freaking doctor, go to a hundred if you have to. Go to the dentist. And for all things holy, go to a therapist. Ya'll need to talk.

And maybe you've tried these things before. You worked up the courage, tried to sort through the mess, faced your ugly symptoms and brought them to someone just to be let down, or put down, or hurt. I have to say I'm sorry, but try again. And never stop trying. If you could face the ugliness once, I promise you can do it again. Because there is care out there for you and whatever struggles you are going through.

Investing in yourself is the strongest investment you can make. Even when you don't think you're worth a dime, baby, you're about to be a vintage pokemon card. Take care of your health: physically, mentally, spiritually, completely. You are worth all the dimes.

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As always, thank you for joining me today for My Mess. I challenge all of you [don't worry it's an easy challenge] to take a day off work/school soon and just have a self care day. Take a nice bath, read a book, play video games, whatever it is that will make you take a sigh of relief! You earned it. Until next time dear readers. Don't fear the mess, embrace it.