Celebrating The Holidays From This Side Of 2020

The holiday season can be stressful enough on a normal year, but in 2020 we've learned one thing- you never know what to expect.

Last year around this time I wrote an article titled: "Celebrating The Holidays From This Side Of Dysfunction". I talked about how hard it can be to celebrate the holidays with a dysfunctional family, how we can't change them but we can change ourselves, and how we can protect ourselves with healthy boundaries. This article was definitely more for me than anyone else but a lot of people responded to it. I received messages about their own anxieties and family dysfunctions. With that being said, I thought it would be nice to remind everyone that although 2020 has complicated things, the goals that we set last year for ourselves have not changed.

All over social media, I'm seeing opinions flying everywhere on how people think the holidays should be handled. We aren't going to get into the arguments here, but this season has become more complicated and multilayered than ever before. Bigger divides happening in families than I have ever seen- than probably any of us have ever seen- and with divides comes more hurt. This year has been hard, and taxing, and trying, and...unique. Yes, things are much different than they were a year ago, but one thing remains the same: your mental and emotional wellbeing matter. Not only do they matter but they are almost more important than ever. No matter what you plan on doing this holiday season, I hope you will still recognize and guard that.

What does that mean? Better yet, what does that entail? It means freeing yourself from the idea of obligation and it entails you changing your boundaries once again. Maybe changing isn't the right word, more like adapting, because 2020 doesn't necessarily change the fight for your boundaries, but increases it. At the very least it shifts it, but don't let the shift that this year has caused distract you from the goals you set last year. For those of you who didn't set any goals- make this the year you change that, because you can't change your family. I'm truly sorry, but you can't. However, you can change yourself and how you respond to them. I said it last year: if you don't like the game, don't go on playing bitterly or to play to win...just don't play. Don't sink to their levels; learn to say no; learn to alter your expectations of both them and yourself; learn to drop all of these heavy roles you have placed on your shoulders regarding your "family dynamics", and let it go. Take a deep breath and realize that you are just as free to do what you want, just as they are to do what they want. Don't let them build a cage around you that isn't real.

What I want in abundance for all of you this year is safety- physically, mentally, and emotionally- and I think that's what you want, too. At the end of the day, that will start and end with you, the toxic family members are just somewhere in between. If you're like me, over the years, maybe even your whole life, you've given them control of how you will feel over the holiday season. 2020 has been a lot of things, lets also make it the year that you take control back, or even the year you pick up that control for the first time, because no one should have the power over your wellbeing but you.

No matter what happens over the next couple months, please remember: you are abundantly loved, and the actions and words of a few toxic people cannot diminish that. Your real family will always be the ones that lift you up, support you, and love you fiercely. Cherish those, and cherish yourself, and I think you will come out of this just fine.

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Thank you so much for joining me for The Mess. I hope you have a peaceful and restoring holiday season, know that I will be praying for you and yours! Please feel free to reach out if you are feeling trapped, lost, or just down right overwhelmed this season. I am always here to help sort through the mess...get it? Anyways! I will be back on Wednesday with some Nerdom, make sure to come join me! In the meantime, stay safe, stay positive, and stay messy my friends.