Beyond Me- Part Three: Retrospecting The Verts

In Part One: With My Cup, we talked a bit about the differences between extroverts verses introverts. Today we break that down a little further.

I am unsure how long this mini series is going to be, and I was hoping to have an answer for you by now. Oh well, on we march. In part one we talked about our cups. The delicate balance of pouring into others and having ourselves poured into. An aspect of that was how we pour into ourselves and the differences between how extroverts and introverts do that. In part two, we talked about the complexity of opposing love. How important it is to see the differences for what they are and having the ability to go beyond that when necessary. I didn't talk about it then (because I knew this was coming) but whether you are extroverted or introverted is a major factor in that as well. So, maybe it's time we address the looming vert topic in the room.

I read an article once that discussed the difficulties of being an introvert in an extroverted world. I wish I still had it, I would definitely link it here if I did because it was a great read. It's true by the way, we live in an extroverted world. For example: in the corporate world, people with bubbling charism will always have a leg up. Their ability to rally, host, and persuade, will set them above the rest, regardless of experience or strategic thinking. That is not saying that introverts are smarter by any means, or that they are more qualified. Just that if you had two, qualified candidates, more often than not the extrovert will be the one chosen. Maybe this wasn't a good example, let's think of something more relatable. Ah. How about this one, you're at a party, the introverts will be told to "live a little", "open up", "let loose", *insert many similar cliché sayings we have all heard here*. But have you ever heard an extrovert be told to quiet or calm down? Maybe, I never have, but maybe you have. But I would bet it would definitely be less often.

You see, we live in a society where the introvert is expected to accommodate or adapt around the extrovert. I am not unaware that I am sounding more bias on this article in comparison to our first two, but that's because no one talks about it. Like our two previous articles, I believe a balance is in order here. This is another both/and situation. We need both introverts and extroverts. So, maybe we should stop solely targeting the introverts. What would happen if we also acknowledged that just as introverts should step out sometimes, extroverts should take a step back in.

This is a problem I deal with more and more the older I get. I see articles online about "5 Ways to Cure Your Introverted Nature", as if it is something to be cured. I've never seen and article about "5 Way to Cure Your Extroverted Nature". The more you think about it, the more you'll see the lopsided division. When you google "what does it mean to be an introvert" you get this answer:

An introvert is often thought of as a quiet, reserved, and thoughtful individual. They don't seek out special attention or social engagements, as these events can leave introverts feeling exhausted and drained. Introverts are the opposite of extroverts. Extroverts are often described as the life of a party. -www.healthline.com

Surprisingly, this isn't the worst answer I've seen, this isn't an answer I would accept but it's not the worst. It tries to come across as neutral, but now that we're talking about it, can you see which side it leans to?

Maybe I should provide a definition for each. I researched a lot for this, and honestly, I encourage you to do the same just to see the wide difference between the two, as well as the worlds opinion of each. For the sake of this article, and simplicity, we will define an introvert as someone who recharges best on their own and extroverts as those who recharge best surrounded by others. Being an introvert does not make someone automatically "shy" just as being an extrovert doesn't necessarily make them "the life of the party", your "vert" does not define and classify every aspect of your personality, just simply how you most efficiently refuel (and maybe as well has what makes you the most comfortable doing so).

This is why taking your natural "vert" nature into account when considering your cup [from part one] is so imperative. An introvert who is forced into the extroverted mindset too much will find themselves almost perpetually empty, similarly, extroverts who are keep in isolation too long will also wilt. So, knowing this, why do we try to force introverts to change while accommodating extroverts?

These past couple weeks, we've been talking about self reflection as well as seeing the difference in others. By doing both of these things we can improve our own wellbeing as well as our relationships. This is another one of those moments where we need to reflect on that. What does it mean to you to be an introvert or extrovert? How do you treat your friends, family, and co-workers who are the opposite of you? What are different ways you can meet them in the middle? We need to learn mutual respect for these groupings and treat them fairly in what it is they need in order to flourish. This means redefining a lot of social constructions and expectations moving forward, but isn't the opportunity for mutual success worth it? Does that not benefit all of us in the end?

This article was more selfish then others, but I do stand by it. I am asked to adapt and change more than what sits right in my stomach. I am all for stepping outside my comfort zone, having new experiences, and making compromises for the sake of relationships precious to me. What I am not for, is being asked to change the core of my nature, being asked to find a different or more accommodating way to refill myself, or being made to feel as if I am lacking. It's become clear to me that I'm not the only one that feels this way, and I'm willing to bet that someone you love, or maybe even you yourself, feel this way as well. It is because of that, that my plea is that you would consider what it is like to be an introvert in an extroverted world, and then to consider what it would be like if both were uniquely celebrated.

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HA, this was...a lot. Thank you for tuning in to this slightly more aggressive take. I hope this gave you a new perspective as we start a new week. I hope this makes you see patterns that have been leaving me dizzy for while now. I hope this allows us some wiggle room for change. I hope you know, that I celebrate your uniqueness everyday. Let's have a good week! I will be back on Wednesday with some Nerdom. In the mean time, stay safe and stay messy verts.